The Search for Sexuality and Intimacy
Dear visitor, in this article, we will examine the search for sexuality and intimacy from a Christian perspective. Our primary source is the Bible, the word of God.
Where is the real satisfaction? The sincerity sought in instant and temporary pleasures drags people into more depression…
What is your expectation from a relationship? Sex? Love? Sincerity?
Writing in the journal Collegiate Challenge, Dr. Henry Brandt stated that there is a recurring pattern in the syndromes of couples who come to him. It is possible to hear the following statement from all of them: “At first, sex was exciting. Then I started to feel weird about myself and then about my partner. We broke up after arguments. Now we are enemies.”
This syndrome is what I call the morning after syndrome. When we wake up, we realize that true intimacy is not there. Sexual intercourse does not satisfy us and we realize that what we imagine in our head is not in our arms. We have two people who think for themselves and aim for their satisfaction. Intimacy and true love cannot be obtained “immediately”, we search for harmony in an unstable pool.
Each of us has five important parts: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social. These five pieces are designed to work together in harmony. In this quest for sincerity, we immediately want the solution. One of our problems is that we want ‘immediate’ gratification. When we realize that intimacy is not met in a relationship, we look for an “immediate” solution.
Where do we look? Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual or social? The place we usually look at is the physical part. It is much easier to be physically intimate with one person than to be intimate in the other four areas. You can get physically close to someone of the opposite sex in an hour or even half an hour if you are very determined! However, after a few hours, everyone will realize that the temporary and superficial relief that sex will provide is not the solution. There is a deeper need within us that has not been met.
What will you do when your excitement is gone, you have more sex and less pleasure? We try to rationalize this situation with the following statement: “We are in love. We have found true love”. However, we still have guilt and dissatisfaction within us. On campuses across the country, young people are moving from one relationship to the next, and each time they say, “I found the person I wanted this time, this relationship will be different from any other, this will be the last.” feeds hope.
I’m sure not all of us really want sex. What we really want is sincerity.
What is Sincerity?
Today, the word intimacy has been given a sexual connotation. However, this is not the real meaning. Intimacy covers all areas of our lives (spiritual, social, emotional, mental) and this includes the physical realm. True sincerity means sharing life with all its dimensions. Which of us would not desire a lifelong relationship in which we can share all areas of our lives?
Marshall Hodge wrote in his book Your Fear of Love: “Each of us craves moments of love, tenderness, and intimacy, but we often dread as we approach this moment. We fear intimacy. We are afraid of love. The closer you get to someone, the greater the potential for pain.” One of the factors that keeps us from finding true intimacy is the fear of pain.
I was giving a lecture at a university in Southern Illinois. After the meeting, a woman came to me and said, “I have to talk to you about my boyfriend problem.” We sat together and she started telling me about her troubles. He then stated: “Once again, I am taking safety precautions so that my heart is not broken.” I replied: “In other words, you are taking measures to not love again.” Thinking I had misunderstood, he continued: “No, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t want pain in my life.” I continued, “Okay, you don’t want love in your life.” In short, there is no such thing as “painless love”. The closer you get to someone, the greater the potential for pain.
I’m sure you and the remaining seven billion of the population will readily admit that you have suffered in any relationship. The real question is: how did you deal with this pain? To hide the pain, many of us give two kinds of messages at once: “I like you and I want to be closer to you. But I’ve also suffered a lot and I don’t want to suffer again, I don’t want to talk about love.” We erect thick walls around our hearts to avoid pain. These walls, which we have erected to protect us from pain, also imprison us within themselves. Conclusion? Loneliness begins to reign in this castle, true love and intimacy cannot penetrate.
What is love?
Love is more of an emotion, much more than pleasant feelings… But our society does not know what God has to say about love, sex, and intimacy. In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 conveys God’s words in this regard: “Love is not rude, self-seeking, not easily angered, not reckoning with wickedness. Love does not rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in what is true. Love endures all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
Does the love that the person in your life offers you meets God’s criteria for love?
This is how God defined the love He wants us to experience in our relationship. As you have noticed, this love is not focused on the person himself, but on the other person. It is giving more than receiving. The real question is here, who can achieve this?
For us to experience this kind of love, we must first experience God’s love. If you have not experienced this kind of love, you cannot show this love to anyone else. God, who knows everything about you and knows you, loves you perfectly.
God revealed this to us in the ancient prophets: “I loved you with everlasting love, therefore I lovingly drew you to me.” (Jeremiah 31:3). God’s love for you never changes.
God loves us but hates sin; He said that the price of sin is death, separation from himself. But God provided a way for us to be forgiven and to know Himself: Jesus Christ, the Son of God, God incarnate, took the sin of all of us, suffered on the cross, and voluntarily died for us. The Bible says: (John 3:16) “For God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son. So that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.”
When we turn to God and receive His forgiveness, we begin to experience His love.
“But if we confess our sins, God, who is faithful and just, will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9). God both forgives our sins and purifies us.
God continues to love us no matter what. Oftentimes, relationships are shaken and end in the face of difficult situations, including a tragic car accident or even being fired. But God’s love is not based on our physical appearance or what we are.
As you can see, God’s view of love is quite different from society’s view of love. Can you imagine a love based on these criteria? Simply, God offers us his love and forgiveness, but he expects us to ask for it. But if we reject the gift, we cut ourselves off from true satisfaction, true intimacy, and true purpose in life.
God’s love provides the answer. All we have to do is respond with faith and dedication. The Bible says (John 1:12): “But to all who received him and believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”
God sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die in our place. However, that was not the end of the story. Three days later, Jesus Christ rose from the dead. As God, he is alive today and wants to put his love in your heart. From the moment you accept Him, you will be amazed at what He will do in your life and your relationships.
“Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life. But he who does not obey the Son will not see life. God’s wrath stays on such a thing.” (John 3:36).
God wants us to have life, not just for today; for eternity. If we choose to reject Him, then we choose the consequence of sin, death and eternal separation from Him.
It is accepting and trusting Jesus Christ in our lives who will bring balance to our lives. Faith in God is the opening of the doors of forgiveness. We don’t need to hide anymore, try to make our own way. He is with us. We have peace with Him. When we give our faith and our lives to Him, He lives with us and establishes the deepest intimacy with us. His forgiveness is there and He wants to cleanse us of our deepest sin, our selfishness, our greatest problems.
A Satisfying Sincerity
Throughout the Bible, God’s view of sex is very clear. God has reserved sex for marriage only and only. The reason for this is not to make us sad, but to protect us from sadness. It builds a zone of safety for our hearts so that when we marry, the sincerity of our marriage is built on God’s love and wisdom.
If you are dating someone, you can grow together spiritually, emotionally, socially, and mentally by putting God at the center; you can have a satisfying and exciting, honest and sincere relationship. If the relationship develops in the direction of marriage and this happens, you can build the physical side of your relationship, namely sexual intercourse, on these foundations, in a way that will never be destroyed.
You too can bring Jesus Christ into your life right now by praying with faith. God knows your heart and cares about your words as well as your heart. “Dear Lord, I need you. Because out of your love for me, you offered yourself as a sacrifice for my sins. Therefore, I express my endless thanks to you. Now I open the door of my heart to You and accept You as my Savior and Lord. Thank you so much for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of my life from me and make me the person you want, AMEN.”
Does this prayer express your heart’s desire?
If so, you can now immediately invite Jesus Christ into your life with such a prayer. Jesus Christ will come into your life at that moment, as He promised. As your beginning relationship develops, intimacy will increase. Because Jesus Christ is at the center of your life, the new dimension to be opened will bring a spiritual dimension, harmony and fulfillment to all your relationships.