I’m Bipolar! Mood Disorder Through the Eyes of a Bipo
Bipolar disorder, with its general definition, is a mental disorder in which there are periods of exuberance or depression, going with emotional ups and downs, in which patients return to their normal moods in interim periods, but fluctuations can be seen throughout their lives.
Bipolar disorder, which 2 out of every 100 people suffer from, makes daily life very difficult. But in general, people suffering from this condition are not understood enough by their environment and their behavior is not approached properly. Poet and writer Rabia Mine, who has been living with this situation for a long time, has dealt with bipolar disorder from all aspects, maybe it will help someone.
I am a bipolar.
For years, I have been writing articles at the expense of deciphering myself, in order to raise awareness especially in bipolar people’s relatives and to open up a little space in the lives of bipolar people thanks to this awareness, and to alleviate their pain a little.
Those who know already know, but for those who encounter this concept for the first time, I would like to enter the subject by first giving information about what bipolarity is, and more importantly, what it is not.
Bipolar is a psychiatric ‘difference’ meaning ‘bipolar mood disorder’.
Inspired by the wonderful lines of his bipolar ben Nesimi:
In my own way, I would say, ‘Sometimes we go up to the sky, we watch the world with enthusiasm, sometimes we crash to the earth, the world watches us with mockery’…
So we bipolar’s feelings have no middle ground.
We experience our happiness, our unhappiness, our anger, our compassion, our pain, our joy, our love, our love, our courage, our reaction, our passion, our rebellion, whatever human conditions are, at the extremes. Although most of us experience episodes of mania and depression that sometimes intersect for years, it’s only a matter of time before those with rapid cycles like mine pass from one extreme to the other.
We can neither control nor limit our emotions and our swaying from one extreme to the other, as standard people do so easily. And of course, this unusual rhythm can be extremely painful and frustrating, primarily for us, naturally also for ‘normal’ people living with us from time to time.
Although classical psychiatry prefers to call us ‘patient’, this is not a problem of lack of ‘mind’, as it is clearly seen in the conceptual meaning of the word, but a problem of ‘different mind and different emotion’.
We are not just ‘patients’ but ‘different’ people with ‘non-standard perceptions and emotional rhythms’. In modern psychiatry, some original psychiatrists prefer not to call us patients anymore, but to call us ‘people with different brain structures and different functioning neurons’.
Aristotle says that all extraordinary people are melancholic. Ficino, who took over from Aristotle, brings a permanent definition and says, ‘The melancholic person is one who reaches the highest thoughts better than others.’ Plato distinguishes between clinical insanity and creative insanity and accepts creative insanity as the only condition for artistic or intellectual creativity. According to him, the spirituality of a person is directly proportional to the pain he suffers… First of all, Einstein, Van Gogh, Nietzsche etc. In philosophy, in politics, in poetry, in all the arts, all extraordinary people are usually bipolar. No matter how many writers, scientists and thinkers there are, almost all of them come out of us. This reality is a definite and clear indication that this is not a ‘disease’, no matter what classical psychiatry says, which speaks in the language of the capitalist system specific to evaluating mental health as a tool to make people work efficiently, which Michel Foucault pointed out in his History of Madness. .
Different mind! Different feeling!
Of course, due to our cognitive system and perception, which works very differently from the so-called ‘normal’ people who make up the majority, the pain and hopelessness caused by the arrhythmic life that we have to spend with a very different rhythm than their emotional rhythms cause us physical damage and an intense suicidal tendency over time, and this situation also shows. Although it is an undeniable fact that it can be described as a ‘disease’ as a result, the concept of ‘disease’, like all the concepts used here, should be examined from a much more complicated point of view, not with its first connotations:
Who is the patient? What is it determined by, and by whom?
What is normal? What is abnormal?
What are the criteria used to determine the equivalents of these concepts?
How fairly, with how pure honesty and how idealized are these criteria, freed from the traps of the capitalist order?
We all know very well that the current answers to these questions have all been determined against extremely sinister backgrounds, with the aim of making the wheels of capitalism work at its best. So let’s skip them and show the courage to face the truth.
We are not sick, we are different! What is really sick is the corrupt society that social engineers have shaped in the most distorted way possible for the continuation of the system, it is that clear!
Yes, I said we are not sick, we are different; but this difference is such a difference that unfortunately it is a very special situation that requires us to be treated with at least as much care as a severe cancer patient or a physically disabled individual, by the family and social environment we live in.
Of course, people who claim to love us, if they want us to survive…
Let’s take a look at the fact that even in a legal system as brutal as ours, being bipolar is one of the conditions in which disability retirement is granted.
If we are not taken care of, we will walk away without looking back! Our sensitivity is so high that sometimes even if we see that care, we can’t stand this terrible state of the world; but otherwise we can never stop.
Most of us continue our lives with such deep pain because of our high empathy ability, our unbearable sensitivity that makes us hear the groaning of the universe, and because of this difference, because we are described as ‘unbalanced’ and postponed everywhere, including our families, we continue our life in the end, suicide is always in our spare. we keep Judgment or not, suicide is our only guarantee of salvation from this torture bench.
We pull the rope when you least expect it, like famous bipolars Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Nilgün Marmara, Robin Williams, whose names I am sure most of you know at least…
Many statistical studies have shown that the death rate by suicide of bipolar people is even higher than the death rate of people from cancer. Having a child like me or a relative in need of his care for a living, etc. And those of us who cannot leave for vital reasons, such as those who cannot leave, will suffer such a pain in front of your eyes that you wish we could get rid of them even if they died.
Yes, as I said at the beginning, I am writing this article primarily for the relatives of bipolar and I say to them;
If you have bipolar, love it unconditionally, just as it is and embrace it! He is the embodiment of pain, empathy, sensitivity!
During my whole life as a bipolar filled with endless grief, countless suicide attempts and hopelessness, I have had observations that have shattered my heart…
For example, I have seen families and lovers with cancer patients or paralyzed children; they were trembling over them, never doing things that shouldn’t be done with them. For example, they never smoked in the presence of a cancer patient, and they never felt offended when they were under the paralyzed person.
Whereas our families and so-called lovers, that is, people who have a bipolar disorder!
Our name is always shorthand ‘is unstable for them.
Because people want to see the damage, blood, trauma concretely!
They do not believe in the existence of anything they cannot see objectively, except God!
And the damage in us, the bleeding inside of us, the unbearable traumas created by the murderous society and hypocritical human relations in which we have to live and to which we can never adapt, are also invisible.
Under normal conditions, we are so smart, so aware, so conscious that they think we do everything we cannot do because we do not want to do it. They think that we do not finish our school because we do not want to finish, that we cannot hold on because we are lazy in our work, that we cannot maintain our friendships because we have attachment problems, that we cannot maintain our loves because we are volunteers, or that our great loves and commitments are due to our obsessions. They think we’re spoiled luxuries.
It’s easy to think like that!
However, the truth is so painful that they would not be able to bear it if they had the chance to see us concretely.
At this point, I will quote a passage from my article titled ‘The OTHER OF EVERYONE IS BIPOLAR’, which I wrote many years ago and which is a manifesto in the world of bipolar; because beyond these, I have no new sentence to define us:
‘Bipolar is everyone’s other! And to live in this cruel world without a single person you are not the other is to die every day.
In a world where even a wounded murderer can be shown mercy just because he is human, and of course it should be shown, due to the sudden fluctuations in their emotional states, they are most easily labeled as imbalanced by normal(?) people who never care even if they know how deadly those ups and downs are. Bipolar are orphans for whom no one, including their relatives, feels pity.
It is inconceivable that even the slightest support is taken away from their imaginations and their hearts filled with passion and love, in their good days, as if they were not the same person who gave them happiness, when they fell, as if they were the plague. bipolars are the poor ones who are spared with a savagery
Bipolar is the litmus paper of your heart, conscience, love, affection, loyalty, bipolar is the litmus paper of your revolutionism and humanity.
To live as bipolar is to rot in a Palestinian hanger.
A patient with bipolar hemorrhage to whom no one has donated blood.
Bipolar is an incessant scream that no one hears because of its decibel intensity.
Bipolar is the complete human being through the pain of all the rapes, screams, murders, wars, genocides and lies of the world.
Bipolar is the other.
Bipolar is the grand loser.
Bipolar is your mirror, the one you have committed suicide to avoid eye contact with yourself…’
So, in summary, I say to you, dear bipolar relatives, take care of your bipolar!
They are the relics of the universe to you! Because they are the people of the future, who have fallen among you as prototypes of the evolved state that man will perhaps reach in a few centuries.
Yes, maybe because not all of them have the chance to create a channel for self-expression by turning to an artistic production like me, even if some have to choose the way of living this pain very hard and maybe deliberately wearing out their surroundings, or on the contrary, they turn to themselves and go the way of screwing themselves and you. Be sure that the reason for their behavior is the deep pain they feel, the helplessness and the unbearable hopelessness created by the immense insensitivity that surrounds them.
Just as you would treat a physical patient with all your compassion, embrace your bipolar with the same tenderness, or even more. Because he is not a patient, much more!
…And there is only one cure for pain: LOVE!
Supported with respect, unconditional, unpredictable, despite everything LOVE!
Please look at it from a different perspective after reading this article. Because contrary to what you think, you have a lot to learn from him.
Even if you think about it simply, would the world be such a terrible place if the so-called normal people who make up the majority of the world were stupid people?
Yes, bipolars don’t make the world, and the world is such a dirty place! And if there are books, pictures, songs, poems, novels, philosophical ideas that allow you to breathe a little in this hateful hell where you suffocate with the smell of sewage, blood and pus, and find strength by hugging when you are most depressed, you owe most of them to bipolars.
If you have bipolar, maybe it’s a reward for life, not a punishment. If you have bipolar, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who got the chance to pay off humanity’s debt to them, and think about it that way.
Please try to use this chance, even if it is very difficult, and wrap your bipolar in cotton balls. Humanize with it.
Be sure, if he suddenly pulls his own rope, you will be very upset.
With my love and respect.