Does the Narcissist Make You Feel Worthless and Addicted?
Narcissists influence, devalue and depend on you in a 5-stage cycle. You may not realize that you are addicted as this cycle happens so often. You normalize your situation and continue to maintain the relationship even if it hurts you. Because the narcissist always blames you in this cycle. As you are blamed too often, you look for fault in yourself and try to fix it. But as time goes on, you will not find anything to improve yourself, but you will continue the relationship. You are now in the addiction process.
Let’s take a look at this addictive 5-step cycle.
Step 1: Love bombardment
Narcissistic people make great efforts to impress you and win your love at the very beginning of the relationship; he tries his best to look great with gifts, food, nice words and
Even if you don’t like this person, he or she will chase you for years. He will do everything he can to get you. He explains and introduces himself so well to your circle that he is convinced by the people around you. They start to say that you look great.
You have a good time getting to know each other. When you say nice words, pleasant activities, value, interest, you get confused and start to evaluate that person. Now that you have placed the narcissist somewhere in your mind, the acceptance phase begins.
Step 2: Accepting the narcissist
You like too much attention and you feel valued. And these thoughts cross your mind:
“So much attention and love is probably not in vain, this person definitely loves me.”
“Here I found the love of my life.”
“If a person tries this hard, they must love me.” you might think.
Your relationship has now begun. As you show interest, the true face of the narcissist is revealed. The third step of the cycle begins.
Step 3 is the narcissist’s demonization.
Once the narcissist gets you, you no longer have any excitement for him. He wants everyone to love him unconditionally and constantly. You are no longer eye-catching prey for the narcissist. The narcissist’s mask falls and you meet his true face; He constantly blames you, criticizes you, belittles you, praises himself, does not empathize and is always right.
As the narcissist blames you, you may think you have a problem. The dimensions of these accusations increase each time. There will be an argument, you are always to blame.
The narcissist belittles and humiliates you. It devalues you and makes you lonely. Eventually you become helpless and lose hope.
The narcissist’s initial interest becomes irrelevant. The person you knew in the first place no longer exists.
Now you slowly start to get confused and you go to step 4.
Step 4 is re-evaluation.
You review and evaluate all the bad behavior of the narcissist. You perceive yourself as worthless and undeserving of love. Instead of blaming the narcissist, you blame yourself because the more the narcissist says you are a problem person, the more you begin to think that he or she is telling the truth.
You show him too much love to regain the reputation you lost by the narcissist. You say, “If he treats me badly, it’s because of me and I have to change”. You become overly altruistic to gain the narcissist’s initial attention span. You try hard to win her heart. You even apologize when it’s not your fault. But he still doesn’t treat you like he used to and he doesn’t change.
After all this sacrifice and attention, you feel tired and start to take a step back, and the fifth step has begun.
The 5th step is the “one more chance” step just when you are about to finish.
Burnout, unhappiness, anxieties, worthlessness are experienced at the highest level. This is when you think it is right to end the relationship.
In this step, the narcissist continues to watch you from afar. It looked like you are clearly planning to finish it. “hooooop” puts the first step into action and tries to win you back.
It goes back to step one, which is the love bombardment. Speaking of efforts to win you over, gifts, false apologies, scheming I’ll fix…. He succeeds in convincing you.
You hope and think it’s fixed and give it another chance. This is the repetition of the second step.
But this happiness is short lived. Once the narcissist gets you again, he will revert to his demonic behavior.
Again, you blame yourself, show interest in the narcissist, and act altruistic. You see, it doesn’t give any results, you think about ending the relationship again. But the narcissist won’t allow it. He starts trying to win you over. This repeats the cycle. Now you start to become addicted. The narcissist, who is sure that you did not end the relationship, will treat you worse and even cheat. It makes you feel like the most worthless being as much as possible, and you constantly try to gain this value.
You will now return to the state of a person with low self-esteem, unhappy, depressed and anxiety disorder. This cycle repeats itself, the more often it repeats, the stronger you become addicted, because each time the narcissist takes away all your skills, your strength, and it becomes more and more difficult for you to let go.
You need to know how to say stop at any step of this cycle. The damage you take is too much in the long run. Don’t wait for the narcissist to get better. Even if the narcissist does not want you to visit a psychologist, it will not help. Don’t waste your money trying to fix the relationship by going to couples therapy for nothing. When you go there, they will either make you look bad and praise themselves or the therapist will disparage you. Because when the therapist realizes the narcissist and puts his mistakes in his face, it doesn’t work for him and starts to vilify.
The healthiest way is to leave the narcissist step by step. Why we say step by step because leaving a narcissist is not as easy as it seems. Because as soon as they are dependent on both sides, the narcissist has become dependent on the comfort zone you have created, and you have become dependent on the narcissist. Therefore, it is very difficult for both parties to end this relationship. If you cannot get rid of addiction on your own, it is very important for your mental health to get support from me or the nearest specialist.