Characteristics of Narcissistic People
Narcissistic people exist at many points in their lives; they can come across you in business life, family environment, relationships. Narcissistic people often choose scapegoats for themselves, and their chosen victims are often those who are weaker than themselves, or the person they are superior to and bring him down. When you look at narcissists from the outside, you usually don’t understand because they show themselves very well on the outside. Their only concern is with their victims. Because they try to remove the sins they have experienced in their own past through them.
In this article, you can add two great awareness to yourself by recognizing the characteristics of narcissistic people.
First; If you are already living with narcissistic people, you can take an “oh” by realizing that you are not the problem. You’re not crazy, they just want you to be perceived as a weak, mean, troubled person. You believe these thoughts because you have been exposed to these people for a long time. And because such people know you very well, you trust what they say. In addition, these narcissistic people try to prove that what they say is true by finding another person to be the devil’s advocate. Usually, they can attack you with their own mother, sibling or close friend who is like them. When this is the case, you completely believe that there is a problem in yourself. Wake up, you are not the problem. They just feed off of it by making you look problematic.
The second awareness is; These toxic properties will help protect you. You have already started or are planning to start a new relationship. When you see such behaviors, take a step back and warn them to improve. I’m not saying go away completely because people can make mistakes or we can be wrong. Give it two chances and don’t give it another chance. Because he may have made the first mistake by mistake. If he makes the same mistake again, it will be his choice. But if the same mistake is made again, it is to make you a sucker. Don’t let anyone fool you and stay away from that person. These people may seem very attractive to you at first, but then they can harm you. BEWARE OF!!!
Now let’s come to the characteristics of narcissists. Before you begin, never forget that; These behaviors rarely occur in healthy relationships. Therefore, you should pay attention to their frequency and severity. What do I mean? In other words, if the same behaviors do not change despite warnings for a long time, you are in danger. Likewise, some toxic behaviors are done so covertly that you don’t realize it. Since psychological violence is intangible, it is very difficult to prove. If you are constantly exposed to different types of toxic behavior, the severity is very severe. So cocktail toxic behavior.
I usually give the following warning to my clients. Listen to your feelings. They are a harbinger of something to you. You experience extreme happiness at the beginning of the relationship, and you say “aha I found the person of my life”. Don’t get excited. Keep observing your emotions. If negative emotions start to take place in place of these positive emotions, you are starting to hurt. If you are suddenly unhappy, angry, anxious and on edge, the emotional alarm system is giving you a message. “Check your environment” might be something wrong there. Now is the time to control toxic behavior. Code these behaviors in your mind as a checklist. Because you will need them for the rest of your life. As I said, give every person three rights to forgive his mistake, if he continues to do more and does not change, it would be useful to walk away.
Characteristics of narcissistic people:
1. Constantly belittles or belittles; Narcissistic people need to bring you down in order to elevate themselves. That’s why they constantly criticize and belittle the scapegoat they choose for themselves. Sometimes it does this implicitly, so you can’t understand what it’s doing, but you digest it. We call this passive aggression. Let’s first look at the example of active aggression. Narcissistic people criticize you by telling the scapegoat directly, “You are a problem, you are sick, you are weak”. You can’t understand passively criticizing you. For example, you tell him about something you have accomplished. And he answers you like “Is this something or everyone does it”. It trivializes what you have done or describes a situation in which he did better.
He devalues you by saying, “No one will put up with you, I hope you find a better one than me.” The victim is unwittingly criticized by the narcissist. He does not think that there is something missing in himself, but when he is exposed to these too often, he wanders around as if he has a problem.
It normalizes what you do by saying, “It’s not just me, this is what you do to everyone.” In fact, he tries to say that you are rowing for nothing.
2. He is always right. In arguments, the narcissist is usually the one who is right. Whatever you do, it will still convince you. Don’t get me wrong, they think so fraudulently that he manages to convince everyone around him. As a therapist, I can fall into their trap from time to time. Because narcissists think of themselves as special people, they think that everything is permissible and do what they want. Narcissists are not concerned with people. They think that they have the right not to obey even the legal rules because they see themselves as exalted. Even in traffic, he violates the rules and justifies himself by blaming someone else. They don’t even follow the rules of society.
Let’s move on to the discussions in the relationship. Such people find a foothold that will justify them even in the worst situation. For example, even in cheating, accusing you justifies itself. He will justify a situation by saying “I cheated because of you” or “I cheated because you did not show me your love, you are offended”.
They also have such powerful weapons that they never forget the past. He constantly reminds you of the mistakes you have made in the past in order to be right and tries to be right. You look at the subject irrelevantly, you start talking about the past.
No one can be right all the time, so if they convince you even though you know you are right, it means you are under their influence. Even if they say you are right, remind your mind that you are right, otherwise you will contradict your ideas and start doubting yourself “Is there something wrong with me?”. NO, you have no problem.
3. Constant offenses. The narcissist blames the scapegoat for every problem. He claims that he has no faults. It often bombards sentences that start with “you”. He is always on the alert for the slightest mistake of the person in front of him. He blames the other party if he breaks a glass, if the food is bad, or if the house is not clean.
He says what he wants to say by saying that he is talking about someone else. For example.” Ahmet says you are very angry and annoying”. They pretend to hear from someone else, it will cause you to get worse with someone else, and you will turn against the other person. You should not immediately believe the sentences you hear from narcissists. It is healthier for you to look for evidence of what they say more.
Self-developed narcissists, on the other hand, approach in the style of “I’m telling you, my daughter, you understand”. So he jokingly tells the person next to you what he’s going to say to you, but what he’s trying to imply is that it’s all you. Because the person he said knows that he will not be taken, or because he will recover very well even if he is taken, they will put words on you over someone else.
4. He lies very often. He often does not remember things he has said in the past. He defends himself by saying I didn’t tell him. The things they say are often contradictory and you get confused. He often plays with your mind by giving illogical examples. He tries to explain what he did as if someone else did it and convinces you.
5. He constantly gossips. He gets along very well with other people, but then when you’re alone he makes a lot of bad comments about them. In short, he smiles in the face of people he doesn’t like and has no interest in, and talks behind his back. It does the same for you. He makes false rumors about you to make you look bad and hurt you. If you work with such people at work, they will not take you into your group and exclude you. The narcissist makes you look so bad to other group members that they all believe him and all group members start to turn against you. While on the road, narcissists constantly criticize and ridicule people based on their appearance. Evil people never hesitate to praise themselves.
6. Is overly controlling and jealous. Since these two issues are interconnected, I’m addressing them together. Because they are extremely jealous, they try to control you. The scapegoat has the potential to envy everything. They are extremely jealous of your friends, your clothes, your travel, your economy, your possessions, and even your success. He doesn’t want you to be happy because he’s not happy, and you shouldn’t be too. When you succeed, they don’t congratulate you, they sabotage you. The people around you now try to hide you from both sexes at an advanced level because only he thinks he is worthy. Controls and restricts your conversation with someone else. He sets your limits, you have to act as he wants. It mostly messes with what you are going to wear. Sometimes he pretends to let it but he brings it through your nose.
7. In everything, their own wishes and needs are at the forefront. It asks what you want but does not put it into action. It’s meant to say, “Just look, I respect you and I’m asking you.” While his own needs matter, he doesn’t think about other people’s. He buys whatever he wants, and when he gets a scapegoat, he makes a mess. Their own impulses and feelings are very important. She wants him to feel happy all the time. If someone else is unhappy, it’s none of his business. He only focuses on what he wants and doesn’t care about the rest. He does whatever it takes to get it. For example, if you want to stay at home and he insists on you, you have to go because otherwise it will make the environment hell. It doesn’t matter if you want sex or not, if the narcissist wants it, you’re forced to do it. Even on your worst day, even if you lose a loved one, if the narcissist wants to have sex, he will have sex with you. He acts in his own interests.
8. He does not admit his mistake, ignores it. If the narcissist makes a mistake, he or she has a reason to do so because he is always right. That’s why he doesn’t accept it even if he makes a mistake. Narcissists have very poor problem-solving skills. They don’t want to solve the problem and tries to turn it in their favor.
9. He does not apologize. Even if he admits his mistake, he does not apologize. Because his pride will always outweigh, he thinks that he should never be crushed in the face of a scapegoat.
10. It ruins special days. When you plan together, the day ends in discussion. Yes, you can return unhappy or angry at the end of activities such as New Year’s Eve, holiday visit, going to a picnic.
11. It disturbs you with other people. Usually, it makes you look bad in the family. It fights you by attracting other family members to it. He treats other family members so well that the scapegoat begins to think there is something wrong with him.
12. Shows little attention and affection. Their interests are very inconsistent. They rarely show any interest. It’s just a show of interest. Look at their purpose here, I’m paying attention to you, you’re exaggerating. He usually makes instant gestures such as buying flowers, taking them to dinner, and gifts, and then continues to behave badly again. You get confused, he plays tricks with your mind, “Is he showing interest or acting badly?”
13. Empathy skills are very weak. The most distinctive feature is the lack of empathy. They don’t care much about what you think or how you feel. He doesn’t care if you cry in front of him. If it hurts, he will say that you are pretending or say that you are exaggerating.
This type of behavior can happen to many people. Here, what distinguishes the narcissist from other people is that they do these toxic behaviors very often and continue to do so for a long time. Narcissists are unaware of their behavior. So why do they do this, you ask? They experience feelings of loneliness, emptiness and inferiority because of negative childhood experiences in their past. They try to compensate for these feelings by hurting the other party. Don’t worry yourself, the reason why he did all this is not because he loves you or hates you, his only concern is himself, he doesn’t care about you because he loves you very much.